Skate Away On
by Meibao
Summary: 'Is there someone else' 'Yes' he lies. 'How long' 'How long have we been dating' TxP; Set after IM2; spoilers.
1. Skate Away On

The last time Tony tried this he was drunk. He didn't even think about what he was doing, back then he never did. He was trying to serenade the just turned eighteen year old daughter of...someone or another, he couldn't remember. Not the point, anyways. He just walked to the piano, told the guy playing to move over and started in on his own song. It was stupid, and he could barely remember the girl now, but he could still hear himself slurring the words, and the choppy playing. He could however remember the exact spot that Pepper stood, and the way she looked at him. Disapproving but shocked, like she couldn't believe he could actually play. He was Tony Stark after all, and he could do many things.

Well.. he could do many things drunk when his brain didn't have time to over think, and supply him with probabilities and data. Great for keeping him alive as Iron Man, not so great for Tony. He offered his services for the benefit, he was going to play. This time without Pepper having to field statements, and clean up after the mess he made. He caught sight of Pepper. She was looked surprised when they announced his name.

"I'm a little rusty.." He said, trying to calm his nerves, gaining a laugh from the crowd. _ Come on Stark. You can do this, just play_. He ran his fingers over the keys once, before pausing and beginning in on the introduction to the song. He focused on getting his fingers to hit the right keys, to make sure it was smooth. He was sure it was, he actually practiced for this, but going over the motions in his head made him able to block out her, he didn't want to over-think about it.

He leaned a little closer to the microphone and begun to sing.

* * *

_It's coming on Christmas__  
__They're cutting down trees__  
__They're putting up reindeer__  
__And singing songs of joy and peace__  
__Oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on_

It's three days before Christmas when she walks out on him. She quits everything. Quits being his CEO, quits being his lover, quits being his friend, and mostly quits knowing him. He doesn't stop her. He just watches as she walks away from him, the Christmas tree they were trying to decorate left unfinished. He looks around him at the chaos: hooks are littering the floor, a bulb is broken, the popcorn turned over, and the star for the top is cracked. He surveys these damages without any real care.

He started the fight. He's been pushing his limits for far too long now. He's been antsy, and itching to send her away. _Your pushing her away_ his brain chides him. _I know..._ He responds. It still doesn't stop him from antagonizing her, and bulling her a little harsher than necessary. She excuses him of being bored, that he can't handle commitment, or monogamy. He doesn't disagree. She asks if there is anyone else.

There isn't.

He lies.

She walks out.

That's the end.

_

* * *

But it don't snow here__  
__It stays pretty green__  
__I'm going to make a lot of money__  
__Then I'm going to quit this crazy scene_

She's in Ohio.

She even quit living in the same state as him.

It throws him for a loop, because it's fucking Ohio. How ridiculous is that? Ohio.

It snows there. Pepper **hates** the snow. You have to shovel it, it's wet and cold and there is just no way she can even attempt to wear heels in it. He can't seem to grasp the concept of it. He keeps the weather for it up on his screens constantly, worried. He knows about the storms, and the crime rate there. He doesn't understand why she would give everything up, and just leave. Not only leave, but leave to somewhere that's she would deem as hell on earth.

It hits him in a board meeting. He shows up because this one is really important, and he is the CEO. Not that he's been in the house far too long where everything (and he means EVERYTHING) smells like her, where memories of her linger in every hall, and he's taken apart every appliance, car or electronic in his house at least twice. Not at all. So when he thinks anything is better than sitting at home he realizes Pepper thinks that anywhere Tony is not, is better than somewhere he is. Even if that place where he's not is cold, wet and gets snow until March.

* * *

It hurts him more than it should when he reads the article. (He has JARVIS constantly searching any information on Pepper, and giving him daily alerts.) She found work easily, was able to move up to the top, and was now dating the CEO of the company.

_Oh I wish I had a river__  
__I could skate away on_

He can't tear his eyes away from the picture of the two of them. He wants to stop but something inside him won't let it happen. He has to see this, he has to let the pain go into his heart. Deep deep down in his heart because he caused this. Why? He was worried, or scared or some other pussy reason. Its killing him right now that he let himself be ruled by such fleeting emotions. He wants to bash his head into the wall, better yet he wants to bash in Mr. Tom dick-face into a wall. He could do it too. Ohio wasn't that long of a flight...not in the suit.

He had no right to get this angry.

He was still pissed.

_Oh I wish I had a river so long__  
__I would teach my feet to fly_

Once inside the suit he had the urge to fly to Ohio. But he didn't. He had made his bed, now he had to sleep in it. Still he wasn't going to stay here. He goes out flying, pushing himself and his new RT for all it's worth. He has no idea where he's flown too, but he can feel exhaustion in his bones and he makes a dive for whatever land is below him. He ends up in some forest, for all he knew he was in Africa, on the other hand he could be Canada. He had no clue, but he lands hard against the ground.

His body's failed him. He doesn't have the power to function anymore. He smacks into a tree, it breaks and his body tumbles down lifelessly. He doesn't even attempt to move. He just lays there thinking it would be better if he was drunk, but he swore to himself that after his birthday he wasn't going to get that drunk again. It's something he's kept up, more out of self torture than anything. Giving in and drinking would help ease the pain, and it shouldn't be eased for him.

_

* * *

Oh I wish I had a river__  
__I made my baby cry.__  
_  
After his crash landing he goes off the grid. Staying in the forest for a few days before flying away to other remote places. He eats and takes care of himself the best he can with no money, or identification other than the suit. Still when he gets back, and finally allows JARVIS to play his messages he has over fifty missed calls. Most are Rhodey or SHIELD yelling at him, wondering if he's alright, asking him where he is. He ignores those easily, but one of them gets him. It's Pepper.

"Tony?" The recording says. "Tony, please."

He can hear the sniffle, practically feel the desperation coming off of the recording. There's a long pause, before another sniffle.

She's crying.

"Tony..." It's a sigh this time, and then a click.

"Should I delete the recording, sir?"

"No." He says in a whisper. "Don't"

* * *

_She tried hard to help me__  
__She put me at ease__  
__Lord, she loved me so naughty__  
__Made me weak in the knees_

He doesn't call her back. He doesn't let her know that he's alive. He's sure Rhodey's called her anyway.

The JARVIS alerts are all articles on her now. She's in the press just as often as she was here, probably because Ohio doesn't have anything else to report on. She's been advocating for him, and he doesn't know if it's out of habit or she really thinks that he's capable of the things she talking about. He's got a clip from an interview she did. In it she talks about him revolutionizing energy and being able to one day get rid of oil completely. He doesn't think he can. She does.

He starts a plan to do just that. He feels like she's still guiding him on what to do. Still here each morning to tell him, 'Get Up. Get Dressed. Tony.' She's not here though.

He notices most at night. He thinks of her laying next to him. Feeling her warmth beside him. Being able to pull her closer to him. Hold her frail body against his, her small shoulders fitting in perfectly with his. Just to feel her breathe. He's thought of going with other women, but every time he tries, he can't stop comparing the unlucky female to Pepper, and it never gets beyond anything than a flirty smile.

He wonders how she feels when her...fiancé puts his hands on her. Does it feel the same? Does she miss his stubble rubbing over her? Or the way he ate her out? Does Tom what's-his-face like to go down on her? Can he give her multiple orgasms? Does he let her play games? Has she ever given him a hand job at a board meeting or whispered dirty things in his ears while trying to go over the finances she just spent the entire day trying to get him to sign?

Mostly he wonders if she misses him.

_

* * *

I wish I had a river I could skate away on__  
__I'm so hard to handle__  
__I'm selfish and I'm sad__  
__Now I've gone and lost the best baby__  
__That I ever had__  
_  
He never thought of her as gone. Somewhere in the back of his head thought that this would blow over, that somehow he'd make everything better. It didn't work out like that, it didn't work like that. She set a date. He knew that she was engaged, but it was just engaged until there was a countdown and some people were forever engaged, never really had the balls to go through with it all the way.

He would be like that.

He was glad she was getting what she wanted. He was happy that she had set the fucking date. Now he had a countdown for his impending doom. Had something to look forward too, because on that day he was going to let go. Just drink and sleep with everything that moved, and loose his mind because he just didn't give a fuck anymore.

He had lost her.

She was gone forever.

_

* * *

I wish I had a river__  
__I could skate away on__  
__Oh I wish I had a river so long__  
__I would teach my feet to fly_

_"What the hell do you want from me Tony?"_

_"I don't know, maybe for you not to be a bitch right before Christmas!"_

_"What are you talking about? What is going on in your head!" She flings her arms, causing the hooks to scatter on the floor._

_"Does it even fucking matter to you?" He steps forward smashing a bulb under his foot._

_"What are you trying to get at? That I don't care or that you want me to just break up with you."_

_"You're the one who doesn't want to be here, Potts."_

_"Oh really?" _

_"Yes, Really." He mocks back to her, the popcorn bowl getting over turned in their wake._

_"Is there someone else? Or are you just too much of a fucking asshole to be in a relationship?"_

_"..."_

_"Is there someone else?" She asks, now realizing how close she might have hit to home._

_"Yes." He lies effortlessly._

_"How long?"_

_"How long have we been together?"_

_She throws the star at him, he dodges. It hits the floor and cracks.__  
_

_

* * *

Oh I wish I had a river__  
__I made my baby say goodbye__  
_  
She sent him an email informing him of her engagement. He didn't know if she felt obligated or what. Did she send one to her high school sweetheart or the guy she was convinced she would marry from college?

No. This was her goodbye. This was it. It was her way of telling him that all the time he had was gone. He had lost out on his chance.

It was okay. It was better this way. His response? He made sure Tom got an invitation to the Christmas Charity Ball. In one of the articles Tony read about him, he said it was one of his goals. He was trying to be valiant, trying to be the bigger person. Somehow he feels cheap and dirty after he uses his connections, even worse when he gets a call from the person whose planning the ball, it's the girl he tried to serenade five or four years back, and she wants him to sing. He accepts.

_

* * *

It's coming on Christmas__  
__They're cutting down trees__  
__They're putting up reindeer__  
__And singing songs of joy and peace__  
__I wish I had a river__  
__I could skate away on_.

He finishes his song. He hasn't looked at her once but he can feel her eyes on him. He gets up in the midst of the audience's clapping and cheering, some people have even stood up. He keeps his eyes unfocused as he smiles, bows and gives his patented peace sign. He walks off stage back to his table, he mingles for a little while longer before getting into the car. Happy asks how thing were. Tony doesn't respond. He didn't see Pepper after his performance, and he doesn't know if it's a blessing or a curse. _Both_ he decides.

* * *

"Was that supposed to be a fucking apology?"

He's bombarded the second he gets into his house. Pepper is there fuming, she's still in her dress from the ball and he wants to know how she got here, and where her finance is because he is stupid if he let her go see Tony Stark alone. She's pacing and expecting an answer from him, but he really doesn't remember the question. It's been almost a year since he's seen her in the flesh, and not a picture or interview he's just entranced. He can't believe she's really here.

"Tony!" His head shoots up to look at her directly in the eye. She's pissed, and he can't remember why, what were they doing. His head is fuzzy.

"What?" He asks, which is obviously the wrong answer. She looks like she's going to throw something at his head.

"I'm getting married Tony."

"I know."

"In a few weeks."

"22 days." He corrects her. "January 13th. I got the email."

She just stares at him. He knows she's surprised at him. She doesn't think she's still on his radar, or warrants any importance but she's wrong. She thinks she's another girl he's done, another conquest. She's not. She's the only girl he ever loved, the only one he ever would love. He wasn't here to stop her wedding, he was letting her go.

"Is that all?" He prompts, and he knows that his choice of words is dangerously close to her catch phrase: Will that be all Mister Stark?

"I... I..." She's stalling, and he doesn't know if he's just thrown her off, or she thought this would be more difficult or what. He was hoping she wanted to see him just as bad as he wanted to see her, and she was drinking him in because this would be the last time they saw each other. This was it. This was good bye.

"Your fiancée is going to miss you." He prompts.

"Will you come to the wedding?" She asks suddenly, and it throws him inside, but he doesn't miss a beat with his response.

"I wasn't invited."

"I'm inviting you now."

"Why do you want me to show up?" He asks because he knows that if he shows up at that wedding, it'll be drunk, and in the Iron Man suit and it would be bad. He plans on slowly killing himself somewhere where he won't ruin her big day, or cause bodily harm to anyone but himself.

"Well.." She trails off, and he realizes that she has been guiding him. Knowing him, knowing he would keep tabs on her, knowing he would follow her lead, like he has all these years.

"You can't stop what's going to happen. I can only make sure it doesn't happen at your wedding, Pep."

She's caught. She knows it. He knows it. They stare at each other unsure of what to do.

"I don't want you to disappear again." She whispers. "It was like Afgh-."

She can't say it, and he feels even worse for making her say it. She moves and her ring catches in the moonlight. It sears him as though it was a laser.

"You still said yes." Because he can't promise he won't disappear, he can't promise that he'd call her and let her know he was alive. He's not sure if he will if he's drunk.

* * *

She leaves without anything further. He stares at the couch she was sitting on for the longest time. She has long gone left, probably on her way back to Ohio, and he still can't stop staring at the damn spot. He throws the couch out the window, it breaks the glass sending pieces shattering around on the floor. The couch tumbles out the window and down the rocky cliff of his Malibu house into the ocean below.

It makes him feel worse.

* * *

He's gotten someone to take care of the couch, and he's staring at the glass when she barges back into the house. He turns to face her, and she stops short looking at the damage he's caused. She barely gives the window a second glance, like she knows what's happened already. He goes to ask her, but she lashes out first.

"What the hell are you thinking?" She yells, looking over at the glass in alarm. He's just standing there hands in his pockets, trying to figure out if he's hallucinating or not.

"How'd you find out about this?" He asks because it seems like the right thing to say.

"I... I.." She stammers, "What the hell did you do!"

He notices her attempt to absorb and deflect.

"Remolding." He mutters. "You're keeping tabs on me."

"I am not."

"You are. You wouldn't know about the window if you weren't."

"I walked in and saw it. So that's how I know."

"Was it Happy or Rhodey? Who spilled?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Rhodey." He decides.

"Why would you even throw that couch out the window?"

"Why would you keep tabs on me?"

They have a standoff. Pepper loses as she often does in situations like this one. She won't get him to do what she wants him too, until she obliges him in something stupid and pointless.

"You'll kill yourself if I don't." She says deflated, and she brings a hand up to brush her bangs back. He grabs it. It's her left hand, and it's vacant of the once prominent diamond on it. He doesn't even have to ask.

"He says I was still too involved with you." She gives a sad smile to him. He brings her hand to his lips, and kisses it.

"Would you like your job back **Miss** Potts." He is all too happy that she won't be a MRS. anytime soon.

"I'll become your CEO, again."

That's not what he meant.

"I.." He begins, but doesn't get to finish.

"That's the only job I'll accept back.''

_Oh I wish I had river__  
__I made my baby cry_

_

* * *

continue?  
_


	2. Chances Are

_Chances are you'll find me __  
__Somewhere on your road tonight__  
__Seems I always end up driving by_

Things didn't turn out how he wanted. He really did try he wanted to make everything perfect for her. He wanted to make up for the time they've lost, he wanted everything to be all right. Mostly he just wanted her. He wanted to hold her in his arms, and smell her hair. Just to take her in, just to be by her side was enough for him. But she didn't even want to be near him.

Well at least she was in the same state this time. He sighed, he was sitting on the hood of his silver Audi looking up at the apartment Pepper had gotten for herself. He watched her window, knew she wasn't asleep yet even though she turned off the light. He could picture her, sitting in her bed, covers pulled around her typing away at her laptop oblivious to everything and anything going on around her. He could remember nights when he would wake up to the pale glow of something other than his RT. It would be Pepper, at one in the morning, suddenly having remembered something she needed to get done or some email she had yet to respond to.

He ran a hand through his hair, still peering up into the window. He was waiting, for what he didn't really know. A sign maybe or an omen? Something that would let him know where he stood, if he should just give up now. Let her go like he had planned to months ago, just stop holding on. There was only one way Tony Stark knew how to let her go, and finding him drunk beyond recognition was not going to get him any brownie points.

He really needed some brownie points, he'd screwed things up so royally.

* * *

_Ever since I've known you __  
__It just seems you're on my way __  
__All the rules of logic don't apply_

He's ecstatic, she's moved back to California. He's relieved, she broke it off with what's-his-face. He's grateful, to a God he's not sure he believes in that he's got this second chance at all. He will **not** fuck it up this time. He will change, he will be better this time, and he will prove to Pepper that it will work this time around, and that he is not afraid to commit.

It doesn't go well for him. Pepper walks into his office, eying his secretary and his new PA. He realizes that both are young attractive women, but he doesn't understand the problem. Pepper looks like she wants to beat them senseless. She demands that he reads the finance report and the new product report from R&D. He is to have them reviewed, signed, and on her desk by that evening. Her voice is cold and like steel.

His brain recognizes something is wrong. He just can't pin point what it is. He keeps his nonchalant act going while he tries to puzzle it out. He responds half-halfheartedly to her demands. His new PA comes up to him informing him of something another, it's work related so his mind is still fully focused on the Pepper issue, when he feels her gaze harden, if that's possible.

He takes a look up from his date book, and realizes that his PA does the same. He then realizes who Pepper is actually glaring at. His PA. He can feel the idea trickle just on the outside of his coherent thought. It's like a sneeze that just won't happen, and you stand there waiting on edge. There's just no logic to it, he doesn't understand. He's frozen in place, and his PA grabs his arm to get his attention.

She smiles at him, and points to something in the date book. He smiles back out of reflex, and looks down getting an eyeful of cleavage. Pepper slams the files she had come to give him down on the desk and stomps out of the room. He watches her walk away long enough that the girl tugs at his arm again. His PA ends up storming out as well, because he can't stop thinking about Pepper.

_"Is there someone else?" She asks, now realizing how close she might have hit to home._

_"Yes." He lies effortlessly._

_"How long?"_

_"How long have we been together?"_

Shit. When did his new PA start working? About a week after the fight with Ivan. _Pepper would remember that_ his brain supplies him with the obvious answer. And it makes sense, **if** he did cheat, he would've grabbed the closest thing to him. But he **didn't**.

_But she doesn't know that, dumbass._ His brain once again pointing out the obvious for him.

* * *

_I long to see you in the night __  
__Be with you 'til morning light _

He doesn't see her again after that for at least a week. He's not really sure the days have begun to blur together. All he's sure of is she's avoiding him. She's not in her office, or she's in a meeting, and the few times she's come to his home office she's bolted the second he entered the room. It's killing him inside, because she's right there, and he still can't touch her.

He's reverted to leaving her alone. If he works from the home office, she's usually in her's at the company, and if he stays in the workshop she'll collect the data she needs from the home computer without incident, and he can watch her through the security cameras. It brings him back to his lonely days after she left. His hands ache and itch to touch her, and more than once he's caressed the screen in longing.

He can't stop thinking about pulling her into his arms, and holding her close to his chest. He wants to kiss her senseless, steal all the breath she has away. He wants to touch, and nibble, and lick, and suck every inch of her skin, until she comes from just his ministrations. He wants to ravish her sexually, and lavish her with all the gifts he can get his hands on. Mostly his hands want to be on her, even if he could only hold her hand that would be alright with him. He just wanted her besides him, even fully clothed, and reading him the Stark Industries Employee Handbook.

"What the hell?"

It's in one above-mentioned daydreams that he gets caught. He turns to face Pepper whose come down to the workshop minus her heels. He looks back at her before turning to see what she was objecting too. One hand is still held up to the screen of the now empty office, and behind it but still a little visible is her office back at SI.

"Tony!" She screeches his name, and he knows he's in bigger trouble. You're supposed to be fixing, Stark, not screwing it up further.

"I.I..I'm uh.." He articulates, and he's surprised he got that much out. Really what could he say? Where was the right answer for this situation?

"Are you spying on me?"

"I...um?"

"Are you **jacking off** while spying on me?"

His looks down to see a little tent in his pants, and his free hand suspiciously close to the bulge. He still hasn't move his other hand, and he's trying to think of something to say. It looks bad, it looks really bad.

"Let's face it. This is not the worst thing you've caught me doing..."

She throws something at his head, he's not sure what it is, it whips past him so fast. He is able to dodge it but he can still feel the wind splash across his face. He watches her as she retreats up the stairs, still not knowing what she came down for.

* * *

_I remember clearly how you looked __  
__The night we met __  
__I recall your laughter and your smile __  
__I remember how you made me __  
__Feel so at ease __  
__I remember all your grace, your style __  
_  
"Honey, don't get back with that man!"

"Mom..."

He's standing outside the door of the office. He came to apologize. He came to tell her he lied, there was no one else, never was and could never be again. But he stopped just short outside the door, peering inside hoping she wasn't fuming at her desk. She wasn't. She was using one of the screens to organize his papers, and documents into something more than the mess he'd left on the desktop and was speaking to her mother via JARVIS.

He found himself frozen outside the door, not being able to go in. He shouldn't be here, he shouldn't be listening but he can't stop. He's never met Pepper's mother, but she seems like a firecracker. She certainly has no problems digging into him, bring every flaw of his to the forefront and shredding his ego & pride. Of course she doesn't know he's listening but still. He's found out valuable information through the personal attacks.

Pepper cried every night in Ohio, even after she started dating again. She lost ten pounds worrying about him for a week when he disappeared. The pictures of her happy with her boyfriend/fiancé/tool were not reality. They fought all the time, mostly over her involvement with Tony. She had been keeping tabs on him, Tom ass-face found out and was furious, right before the Christmas party, and then she disappears to see Tony._ What for? _He can hear Mrs. Potts voice in his head, _to become CEO again? Is he still sleeping with his PA?_ The worst part? Pepper liked Tom. She was really starting to love him. He'd met her parents.

Tony hadn't. Tony could barley even remember their names. He could however remember Pepper ten years ago. She was young, happy, had plenty of ambition, and he thought she'd be gone in a week. That's how long most lasted, if they didn't sleep with him they got fed up with him. But she'd tricked him into doing work, and then bullied him when he proclaimed he wouldn't be tricked twice. She had gotten him to actually do something, and seeing the board member's faces when he walked into that meeting of his own free will was almost worth the two hour snooze fest he had to endure.

She had brought so much into his life. What did he do for her? Well, he made her fall deeply in love with him, then played with her emotions, before freaking out and pushing her away causing her months of pain and hurt that won't get better with a quick fix possibly taking her away from a man who would never do those things to her. AND, because he's just that nice of a guy, he's trying to act like it never happened, that he wasn't an ass and she's the one who's crazy.

"Honey..." Her mom trails off, and it brings Tony back to the present. "No matter how much glue he tries to slather onto your heart, you'll always see the cracks."

It cuts deeper than he thought it would. His body goes on autopilot, and he moves as he hears her say her goodbyes. She walks out just in time to see him round a corner.

"Tony?" She calls after him, and he stops because he refuses to be an ass, just to make himself feel better. Not anymore.

"Are you okay?"

"You should go get some rest, Potts."

"Tony?" He finally turns to face her, and she's worried. She's concerned. He sighs, and forces himself to walk over to her. Closer, but not as close as he would like.

"I'm fine. Go home, you look like death." He says with a half smug smile, which washes away the worry in her eyes, and he feels like he's done his job. But neither one of them moves away, she doesn't respond to his jab, they both just stand there and stare into each other's eyes.

Next thing Tony's mind comprehends is their lips mashing together in hunger, need, and pure want. Her hands go straight into his hair, pulling and tugging him closer. He loves it and he lets his hands roam as fast as they can, because while his brain isn't sure who started the kiss, he knows who's going to stop it. And once it's stopped he might not see her again. She might run, she might hate him, but he can't stop. He can't be logical right now, because she just smells so good. And this may be the last chance he'll ever get, and maybe that's okay. Maybe _she's_ better off without him.

* * *

_And now you're all I long to see __  
__You've come to mean so much to me _

She slaps him, and runs. He hopes not to Ohio, but he can't be sure. He's still standing in the hallway, and he's sure the night has passed away into morning. Somehow he can't find the strength to move. Standing here, he can still feel her hands in his hair, still feels her hips and the fabric of her suit. If he moves it's going to go away, if he moves then he won't be able to recall it so vividly. Even his throbbing cheek, he wants to keep it all.

Sometime later JARVIS informs him that he has a meeting, and to get dressed. He ignores the message, and heads down into the workshop. Pepper doesn't call or have JARVIS remind him or come physically to drag him out of the house.

Yep, she definitely went back to Ohio.

* * *

_Chances are I'll see you __  
__Somewhere in my dreams tonight __  
__You'll be smiling like the night we met __  
__Chances are I'll hold you and I'll offer __  
__All I have_

He dreams she's in Ohio. The wedding is going on, and he's somehow been roped into giving her away. They walk up to a fence, beyond the fence is Tom, but behind a grill. There's two children running around, one's a girl and the other a boy. The girl has red hair, and freckles. The boy is pulling on her piggy tail, and she's trying to slap him away. They are laughing, a dog is running in between their legs. There's a small child sitting in the grass, playing with a few toys.

Tom greets them and waves them in. Pepper opens the gate, and pulls it open. Her grip slipping from Tony's arm. He goes to pull her back, but her skin turns to ask, and her white bone is exposed. She looks down at her arm, then at him. He lets go, his heart beating rapidly. She walks into the scene, her arm back to normal, now dressed in a sun dress instead of her long white wedding gown. He watches the happy couple for a while, then turns to look behind him.

It's a dead forest, trees blacken, and no signs of life. He's standing in ash, and everything here looks dead. He turns to see Pepper calling him. He can't hear her voice, but he's sure that is what she's saying. He watches her mouth a few more times, before he's convinced she's mouthing 'TONY'.

He moves to cross the picket fence, and his arm goes in first. His skin turns to ash, and blows away. Pepper looks unworried, and waves him in, but his heart is pounding in his ears, and he wants to retreat. Something from behind pushes him past the threshold.

He wakes up as his body becomes ash and blows away in the wind. He soaked with sweat, and trembling. The worst part of the dream? Watching Pepper turn into ash. That's what he was, black suffocating ash. He would consume all, and bring death to those around him. How could he even think he would ever be a part of the beautiful dream with Pepper? That wasn't his place.

"Tony?"

" 'm fine." He mumbles trying to get his voice to work. He knows he looks like death, like he was slowly dying from the inside.

"Tony." She's thinking that too. He looks up at her, somehow she's crossed halfway to his bed. It's the closest she's been since the kiss, and it gives him comfort.

"I'm fine."

"What's wrong then?" She asks, not believing him. It doesn't surprise him, he's lied to her so much. He doesn't even know if he wants to tell her that he didn't cheat. Would she even believe him?

"Nightmares." He says, forcing himself out of the bed and into the bathroom before she can respond.

* * *

_You're the only one I can't forget __  
__Baby you're the best, I've ever me_t

_"We can't just forget this like it never happened, Tony."_

_"Honey, don't go back to that man!"_

_"I _**_need_**_ those finance reports, Tony."_

_"Mr. Stark, I can come get you from the house if you'd like."_

_"Man, you are one lucky SOB if you got her back."_

_"Just be happy she's there Tony."_

_"Tony?...Tony, please."_

_"Should I delete the recording, sir?"_

_"You'll still see the cracks."_

_"How long?_

_"How long have we been together?"_

_"Tony..."__  
_

_

* * *

And I'll be dreaming of the future __  
__And hoping you'll be by my side __  
__And in the morning I'll be longing __  
__For the night, for the night __  
_  
Somehow he still could see them together in the back of his mind. Maybe this is the part of him that consumes all, that won't be happy until he's taken every bit of sunshine from her life. Maybe it's the part that wants to change, that wants to be a better man for her. Maybe it's the part that's hopelessly in love with her, and wants to tell her everything, and explain or give excuses, anything that'll drive her back into his arms. Anything that will allow him to hold her again.

He can see himself besides a grill, or out with the kids teaching them something. He can see the dog running around, and imagines what the mornings would be like with a full home cooked breakfast, full fridge, and full table. He wants to look over report cards, and help with homework. He wants somebody to be there when he gets old, and retires. He wants to leave the family name to someone, the company, even the Iron Man legacy, or Iron Woman, he thinks now.

He wants all those things, and the only way he's going to have them is if he can get Pepper back. He plans, and he plots but he just can't find that one fix-all. He can't seem to do the math on this problem, and hopefully he'll figure it out soon, because waking up in the morning without the family in his dreams is depressing.

The house is too quite, without the noise he hears in his dreams. The fridge is empty of all the fake report cards and tests he's seen. His desktop is missing the pictures of the wedding, and parties, and school pictures, and the family picture he tried to have Dummy do, but ended up in total disaster. The hot rod pictures he has looks lacking in comparison to what was in his dreams.

* * *

_Chances are I'll see you __  
__Somewhere in my dreams tonight __  
__You'll be smiling like the night we met __  
__Chances are I'll hold you and I'll offer __  
__All I have _

He has to stop thinking. That was the whole reason for the drive. It was to get away from all the thoughts he had trapped in his mind. He wanted some space to think, and where does he end up? Outside her apartment, sitting on the hood of his car, day dreaming.

He startles when the light flickers on in her room, and he looks at his watch. 2 A.M. He looks back up trying to see what she was doing, trying to get a sense of what was keeping her up, but the light is off now. He sighs again, and eyes his watch. He really should be getting back.

"Tony?" He stops, frozen he has to work to get his head to move. She's standing at the apartment complex entrance, in her night clothes and robe, peering into the darkness. Maybe if he ran now she wouldn't know it was him.

"Oh my god, Tony! Is everything okay?' He's caught, and it looks likes she's about to shuffle out into the cold to see him. He takes four quick steps, and pushes her back inside the little lobby area with his body. It's freezing out there, and she is not dressed for the weather.

"I couldn't sleep." He says, because honesty is all he's got left.

"Tony..." She's hesitant, worried.

"Look, Pepper." He starts but doesn't really have anywhere to go with it. He decides that he'll just play what he has, honesty. " I never cheated on you. That was a lie, because if I didn't you'd just cling on, and try to fix the problem. I didn't want that to happen, yes I was afraid to commit. Monogamy, not my strong point, but that's not an excuse, it's not really, well it is. I shouldn't be giving you excuses, there is none of course... I'm not trying to justify my actions."

She stares at him, one eyebrow pointedly raise. He's getting nowhere with this.

"I love you. Have loved you, will continue to. No matter if you go out and marry some ass-face or decide that I really do deserve a second chance, I do, you know cause I think about things, with you, years from now, and its great...but I want you happy."

"Things years from now? What if you disappear again, or decided you really do like your newest PA, or whoever is available at the time."

"I'll fire my PA. Just tell me so."

"The secretary too."

He nods because he's not sure what he'll say if he opens his mouth. He doesn't want to spoil it because Pepper seems to be considering taking him back, and this is exactly the part in the story where he fucks things over again.

* * *

_You're the only one I can't forget__  
__Baby you're the best I've ever met_

"I'm not sure I'm ready to let you have my heart again, mines not made out of iron." She whispers, as she taps his RT through his shirt. She keeps her fingers there, and watches him.

"Mine's not either." He says moving her hand over to his chest, where he can feel it pounding against his rib cage.

"Tony... I can't be a notch post thing."

"Pepper, you're the only one I can't forget. All the other girls, all the other faces mean nothing. I can barely remember them, but with you I can see mini-vans, and kids and a dog."

"You allergic to dog hair."

"So, I'll make a metal one."

"You can't just fix it like this."

"So tell me what to do."

She looks into his eyes trying to decipher how truthful he is. And he lets her because whatever punishment she has in mind for him, he'll take. He'll do whatever she wants, no matter how ridiculous or tortuous for him. He'll show up to every meeting, on time for a year. He's worried because she hasn't said anything to him, and he doesn't know if she's plotting on how best to hurt him or if she is talking herself out of it. He hopes it's not the latter, he gets close to what some people might consider praying, but he just wants her to **tell** him what she wants from him.

"Well, for starters you could kiss me."

* * *

Should I keep going, or is this good enough?

Thank You to all of you who reviewed. It really made my day =]


	3. One Good Reason

_Goin' through the motions __  
__Stuck inside a silent world _  
_Tryin to bridge a distance __  
__Between where we are and where we were_

He doesn't know where to start, and she doesn't tell him anything more than to kiss her. Which he does, because it would be fucking amazing. It's everything a kiss should be. He pulls her close, and she **moans** into his mouth. He finds himself pushing her up against a wall, and she's pulling at him. One of her hands is knotted securely in his hair, and the other is roaming over his chest. He's pressed up against her hard as a rock, trying to figure out where this was going. His hands stay on her hips. They shouldn't be doing this. Not now its too soon.

Who gives a fuck? Something in him screams, and he's sure it's the part that is getting all the blood. But his brain is shouting at him, telling him to back off, telling him to be wary, to be suspicious. This was Potts! Her tongue darts into his mouth, and he loses his train of thought, focusing more on the war inside his mouth than his head. But when her leg starts to hitch around his waist, flashing lights go off in his head.

He takes a step back, keeping his hands on her hips, while keeping her an arms length away. Both of them are breathing heavy, and Tony is trying to compose himself. He's trying to think, trying to be able to form coherent sentences. No one has ever made him this tongue tied, never shut down his brain by mere proximity before, and this is what scared him in the first place. How could one woman do that to him?

"I think I should be going." He eventually manages to rasp out. He's tired, confused, and aching. Still, when she smiles at him, he feels like he's won a prize. That he has passed some test he wasn't even aware of. She kisses him on the cheek before saying 'Good Night.' She leaves him standing in the entrance, he watches her until the elevator doors close, and he can't see her.

* * *

_I can see were fading__  
__But we cant go back and we can't go on __  
__You're still the one that i want _

It was a good start, a great start really but that's all it was. Just a start. Things seemed to end there. Tony still rarely ever saw Pepper, even when he camped out in her office, she was never in there or barely had time for passing chit chat or banter. She had stopped coming to the home office, and it was like she was trying to avoid him. He didn't know what was going on.

He was sitting in her chair, in her office, spinning it around, and fiddling with her knickknacks. He was trying to keep his hands busy, to burn off some extra energy he had, because sitting in front of a desk for hours on end was never his idea of a good time, but if it gave him even a glimpse of Pepper then he would do it. Sure he might have been pouting about it for a while, he was going to stop that.

His plan was to confront her. But his mind wandered. Is this how she felt when he had avoided her? Or when he tried to push he away? Was she trying to teach him a lesson? Show him what it felt like to be strung along? He didn't like it. He wasn't sure if this was a lesson she was teaching him or if she was just really that busy. He did put her on an emotional roller coaster, and did hurt her. He was **trying** to make up for that, and she was being petty. This was not the Pepper he knew, and it pissed him off.

They seemed to be stuck in this cycle of childishness forever. Tony wasn't going to delude himself to think that he wasn't childish, but he was working on it. **For her.** And this was just bull shit, he wanted to be with her, not play games. He wasn't going to allow this to stop them getting back together, he wasn't going to allow her the time apart to think. Because she would think it through, and decide her mother was right, that she shouldn't be with him. That she should move on, go back to fucking Ohio or some other place as backwards and fucked up like that and find someone else.

He wasn't going to let anyone try and take her from him. Not again, not when he's gotten his second chance, when something or someone out there was smiling down upon him. He was going to grab this opportunity and hold on to it. He was not letting go of Potts again.

"Tony?" She asks surprised, and he gets up to kiss her or hug her, something. She bustles on past him, digging for something in her desk.

"Are you really that busy or just trying to avoid me?' He asks her. It is a bitchy, harsh tone, but it gets her to stop what shes doing an actually look at him. He swears it was the first time in months, though its only be a few weeks since their heavy make-out session.

"Did you come here to fight?" She asks, and he can hear how annoyed she is. He doesn't want to fight, and everything leaves him at once.

"I just wanted to see you." He sighs turning out the door before she can say anything.

* * *

___You say were having problems__  
__Well everybody does sometimes _

"This isn't going to work, Tony." She says, as she walks into his living room. He looks up at her, stunned she's even in the house. They haven't talked since their half-argument in her office. She begins to pace around the room, and his eyes follow her. He places the bits of the toaster down on the table, he's taken it apart because he has nothing else to do.

"I mean, there's just so much we have to go over, and I was thinking..."

"That you'd be better off with out me."

She stops and looks at him. He just looks back at her. He's gone over this in his head, and he thinks about it almost all the time. Its always in the back of his head even when he's trying to figure out complex mathematical equations. It's not a new concept. Its something that he admittedly thinks about hourly, and he's gone over all the possible aspects. He's looked at every situation, every possible probability, and the answer remains the same. She probably is better of without him, and it's only a matter of time before she comes to that conclusion. He is suffocating black ash after all, and she should get out before swallowed.

"God, Tony. No." She whispers, and sits down next to him. He's shocked. Utterly dumbfounded, because everything else indicated that this was where she fled, not run into his arms. She pulls his arms around her, and buries her face into the crook of his neck. They sit still for a while, just enjoying the comfort of each other, and Tony pulls her into his lap. He rests his head on top of hers, and he is almost in tears because there is a feeling rising in him he hasn't felt since oh so long ago.

Hope.

* * *

___You say i never listen and I'm always gone __  
__But you're always on my mind__  
__You can list a million things and how they all went wrong __  
__You're still the only one that i want _

Pepper's waiting for him when he gets back from his latest mission. She's eying him, and assessing him. He's come back three days late. He was unconscious for most of that time in the medical ward. He hopes Pepper doesn't know that. He doesn't want her to worry any more than she already does. They still have yet to talk, and he has no idea what she was going to tell him.

"Are you really that busy or are you just ignoring me?" She asks him, and while it's a serious question, he can sense an undertone of playfulness. She gets up walking closer to him, inspecting him. He is glad that he stayed for the medical treatment (even if he didn't really have a say in it), because she looks relaxed and doesn't have to see him covered in blood, with black and blue marks all around him.

"It went longer than expected, unforeseen complications." He murmurs, as she walks up to him invading his personal space. She glares at him, and he wonders what he did wrong in the few seconds it took her to get this close.

"You were gone a long time Tony." She says, exhausted, "We still need to talk, or did you forget?"

"Pep, you are always on my mind, whether I'm here or **not**."

"Even with all those scantily or latex clad women running around SHIELD?"

"Of course," he tells her. "But I do spend some time imaging _you_ in those suits."

* * *

_So give me one good reason_

"What do you fucking want from me?"

Things had gone from bad to worse in a matter of minutes. It had been a rough day, week, month really. SHIELD called him out of two major take-over meetings, a sort of date with Pepper, and every attempt to talk. They needed to clear the air, go over everything and just let it out, but they didn't have a chance. Either her phone would ring, or his phone would ring, or something would happen and one or both of them would have to go off.

It wasn't working, maybe this was the omen he was waiting for. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be, him and Pepper. It was a lost cause, both were hanging on to the wreckage of a sinking ship. They were just too stubborn to see it. He was trying to think ahead, remembering his dreams of kids, a dog, report cards, and Sunday morning breakfast. Would he be there for the birth of his child? Would he put the needs of others before his own family? It's what he was doing now, if Pepper was his only family, and he constantly put the needs of others in front of her.

_I will walk away_

Could he hang up the suit? Lock it away somewhere? Tell SHIELD he was done, through, and not to call anymore? Would he really let people suffer at the hands of his weapons and technology?

No. There was no way he could do it, and standing there now in the living room, next to the liquor cabinet, it hit him. She would worry about him every night, she would stare, and bite her lip at every bruise, every cut. How long could she keep up being CEO, and nursemaid, and mom? What would they do when she was pregnant, or had a new born? She couldn't be taking care of him like that, and should she have to? Was this just part of the package she would have to accept?

He turned to look at her, after knocking back the whiskey he had poured. He watched her with calculating eyes, she wasn't supposed to be here right now. He wasn't expected back till tomorrow, and usually he would try and surprise her, but not tonight. Not when his demons were running rampant, and uncontrolled, unchecked. He didn't want her to see this. The cracks in his usual facade.

_Make my heart stop beating __  
__And I'll forget you _

"Tony..." Her voice warned and comforted him. He was trying to kill off the emotion. He did right by her months ago when he pushed her away. Why did he have to go back and play that damn song? Why couldn't he let her have her life? Why did he always have to ruin everything for her. He could stop himself, he could force himself not to feel. Let her walk away, make sure that she wasn't hurt this time, make sure that it ended in a place where she wouldn't cry over him, where she wouldn't love him anymore.

He wondered if he could ever truly forget her. If he could erase her face from his mind, and he was trying to figure out if he could program JARVIS to tamper with his brain, and remove parts of his memory. Preferably if he could just erase the love away, but that would be another part of the brain. She distracts his thought process when she drags him over to the couch.

"Tony, we **need** to talk."

_Convince me that it's over __  
__And I will tell you goodbye __  
_  
"Is this where you tell me that you've thought about it? That we shouldn't have to force it to work?"

She opens her mouth to say something but he gets up before she can. He goes right back to the liquor cabinet, not even bothering with a glass. He let the bottle slam down, and waited while the silence stretched on.

"Is this you picking a fight again?" She asks quietly.

"No." He says back defeated, "This is me waiting for the day you walk away, when you wake up and realize that this isn't it for you."

"Tony.."

"But you'll have to do a good job of convincing me you don't love me anymore, cause this is **it.** This-" He frantically gestures between the two of them, "is all that keeps me sane, and alive most days."

"Tony, I..."

"Cause Pep, if it'll make you happy. I'll walk away, I'll say good-bye and that'll be it."

_So give me one good reason __  
__And I'll be out of your life_

"Tony, I'm not getting ready to walk away from you. I just want to talk about us, to see if this is something we can handle. Something **I** can handle."

He watches her, she gets up and puts the whiskey away. She places the bottle back, in its order alongside the others, and locks the cabinet. She stands there for a second, before turning to face him, and sighs.

There is just something off, there is something in her manner. She's convinced. He doesn't know what did it, maybe she talked to her mother again, or just came to her senses but she was about to have the talk. The one that ended in 'we can still be friends'. He doesn't want that to happen. Suddenly the fear of screwing up her life is overpowered by the fear of her leaving, not really leaving, being just beyond the realm of his reach. And maybe that was selfish.

But Tony Stark has been called many things, and not one of them was selfless.

"You're gearing up to break it to me easy, huh?" He asks, because she hasn't said anything. She freezes in time. She tries to cover up her mistake, badly, he caught it, he knows. She turns to him, and she looks heartbroken. No, more like she looks worried. She's afraid this is going to send him off the deep end, that he's going to disappear for a week or two, and she's not going to know if he's alive or not.

Maybe he just wouldn't come back.

He feels like a creep. He feels like he's pressuring her to stay.

_Tell me that I'm not the one you love__  
__Tell me i was never good enough__  
__I'll give up this fight_

"Just say it already."

"What?" She asks. He's just fed up with the cat and mouse. He's pissed off at himself, that he's spent so much time trying to figure out how to play the game he's lost the chance to play. There were two possibilities, they either ended up together or they didn't. He wasn't going to be stuck in the middle, in an in between place anymore. He was pushing forward, whether it was good or bad.

"Virgina," He says, and it startles her. "Tell me that you don't love me, tell me this isn't going to work, you're too good for me, that it's you not me, that in the end can we still be friends?"

"Tony... It just **won't** work out, if this past week has been any indication."

"I didn't ask if it would work or not, I asked if you love me?"

"Tony...don't."

"Just **tell me**. Please, just say it, look at me and say it." He yells, the silence more profound after the slight echoes of his voice faded.

"Say it."

_I can feel it when I look at you __  
__Baby I know you feel it too __  
__I see it in your eyes__  
_  
"Come on, Pep. Just say it, it's gotta be easy right?"

He was close now. He had moved, gaining on her. He had her trapped, his hands shooting out to pin her against the cabinet. He was staring at her, he was looking into her very soul. Or at least that's how he felt. He was trying to find something, because he wanted there to be a drop of love in her eyes. That even if she lied, and walked away, he would know. He would know that she really did love him, and that there was something he could take from this. He wanted nothing if not to know how much she loved him.

"I can't.." She whimpered beneath him. "I can't say it. I want to, I want to hate you. But I can't."

_Just one good reason__  
__Stop believing _

"Then what else is there?" He asks as he wipes tears from beneath her eyes. He's so close he can feel her breath on his lips. His puts his one hand back down, and it moves very obediently back to the cabinet. He is dying to touch her, but he's not going forward with anything till he's sure it won't be a good-bye kiss. She stares at him.

"Tony..."

"Just one good reason why we can't be together, why we won't get over the bumps and obstacles, that's all I want."

"I won't survive if you disappear again, I won't make it if in a few months you break my heart again."

He's silent, because of course Pepper would have a good reason. She would have the best reason, and that's his failing character. He sighs, completely defeated. He got what he wanted his reason. And she's looking at him expectantly, so he moves away from her. She walks over to the couch, and he can already picture it going out the window again.

_Give me one good reason__  
__I will walk away._

"So, how is this going to happen then..." He whispers because for once Tony Stark wasn't right, there was just something he can't grasp when it comes to people, relationships. Maybe there were too many variables for even him to do in his head, most likely too many for JARVIS as well. He just doesn't know what steps to take, and it seems like everyone he cares about is going to be taken from him.

He knows that is why he's kept his distance from anyone and anything he really cares about. That is what the crazy lifestyle and drinking were about, pushing that away putting it in the back of his mind so he didn't have to think about it. He doesn't know if he can do that now, if he can push aside everything that Pepper awakened in him, regress all the growth she's inspired.

He doesn't know how to handle this. It's something new. He doesn't like how it feels, he doesn't want to be heart broken or love sick or whatever people called this. It was too complicated to think about, and he just tried to focus on her, and getting through the next few hours without a psychotic break.

_Make my heart stop beating__  
__And I'll forget you_

"I don't want to...leave. I just don't know if I can be invested in this, Tony. I can't be broken again."

"I can't promise that I'm not ever going to act like an ass again, Pepper. I can't say that its going to be sunshine and ponies, all the time."

"Tony.. that's not what I'm saying."

"Then what? I don't know how to fix the defect that is me, Pep."

"Anthony Edward Stark." He jumps a little, because no one used his full name in years, and its programmed in his brain when the middle name comes out there's trouble. He looks down at her, and he feels like he's towering over her. Like he does all the time, like he used to before. But he doesn't dare move, or breath even.

"You are not a defect, you're not broken. You don't need fixing."

"I do." He whispers, because he's a genius and he can recognize the signs, he knows that he has problems. If he allowed JARVIS to test him, he would probably be diagnosed with a multitude of mental disorders as well. She grabs at his hand trying to pull him down to the couch, but he quickly pulls out of her grasp. More contact would only mean more damage later.  
_  
__Convince me that it's over__  
__And I will tell you goodbye_

"You've convinced me." He says because there is nothing else to say. "Just like I promised, I'll leave you alone."

"Tony, I don't want you to leave me alone."

"Pepper, I'm trying here. Really, but you have to give me something."

"I love you?"

"Is it a question or a statement?" He deadpans, and looks away. He can feel her hands on his face, and she turns his chin to look at her.

"Would you really walk away, just like that?"

"If you wanted me to."

"And I wouldn't find out a week later from Rhodey that no one can contact you or see on E! that you were found dead in your home?"

"No."

_So give me one good reason__  
__And I'll be out of your life_

He doesn't understand what she is trying to get at. She just ended their thing, relationship if you would so call it.

"No contact? No tabs? No anything?"

"I'll be completely out of your life."

_I'll be out of your life _

"That is **not** allowed to happen."

"Of cou- wait, what?" He asks, eye brow arched.

"Tony, I love you. I think that if you left me..." She trails off, and he watches her eyes watch him lick his lips. He didn't realize he did it until he saw her staring, he's fascinated by it.

"You **cannot** leave me, Tony. Do you understand?"

"Yes, dear." He says half sarcastically, before experimentally licking his lips again.

She notices him watching this time, and she flushes. Her skin turning pink around her neck and ears. Tony can feel his member twitch at the sight of it, and he can't stop himself from rubbing his chin down her neck, to kiss the part of her collar bone sticking out from her shirt. She gasps, and trembles. It drives him wild, he kisses the spot again, and her hands grab at him.

"Tony." He looks up at her. "You can't disappear either."

Then he remembers who he is, and what his main job is and he can't promise that. And it is a good reason not to be with him, and that just ruins everything.

"That's one good reason why you should walk away now, Pep." He whispers to her.

"But there are a million good reasons why I should stay with you."

"Forever?" He asks.

"Forever."


End file.
